A case of the blahs...

Today is shaping up to be a pretty bad day. And it's only 8:47am. Nothing particularly horrible happened, you see; just a chain of events that are getting under my skin. It doesn't help that I appear to have awoken on the wrong side of the bed. Except there's only one port of entry and departure on our bed.
Maybe it's all the sleep I'm missing from these horrible and bizarre dreams I keep having.

We're having an especially judgemental and white-glove wearing family member over for dinner tonight and I have to pick up something to cook and take my mom to the grocery store, clean the house and oh, there's about 4974 things I need to do at school. That's annoying to begin with.
Then, when I dropped Olivia off at school, I was getting weird vibes from people there. Maybe it was just me.
Naturally, I walked into a pile of crap at work and had to get straight to it instead of easing in by reading blogs all morning.

I've written a Sincerely 'Fro post but the photos are on another computer so that will post later tonight. After I'm not so ornery. I hope.

And I don't even mention the DNC & Barack Obama's Speech

I've never discussed politics here for several reasons; the first being while I watch the news and consider myself a person who votes with knowledge, I don't know a lot about politics. The second reason is it's controversial. And I'd rather have people talking about me because of my exposed 7 year old boobies than my stance on politics. Simply for the record, I will divulge that I am a Democrat and think Hilary Rodham Clinton was robbed.
When it comes to local politics, I know even less than I do on a national level; which really is a shame because we all know it starts at home. However, when it comes to education and the way it's run in my community, I'm in the "need - to - know" category. (As in: I need to know everything.)
My child goes to a privately funded and operated charter school within the Broward County School District. I chose to send my child to a charter school for so many reasons - I cannot possibly list them all but public school here, in my opinion, is less than adequate. I was raised in public school and despite my klassy disposition and brighter than the stars intelligence (what? Stop laughing - it wasn't that funny.) , it did me no good. In addition to my own experience with public education, I've watched many of my family's and friend's children struggle and fail to thrive within the public school system.

Located just South of Broward County is Miami Dade County and their school district; the 4th largest district in the country. Miami Dade County School District's (MDCSD) superintendent is Dr. Rudy Crew. Let me tell you, Dr. Crew is in a heaping load of hot shit. Recently, the state's capital handed down educational budget cuts of historic proportions - mostly due to a "Penny Tax" which promises to lower property taxes by $200 per home over the next 10 years. These budget cuts were a serious problem for MDCSD because they were already up to their ears in debt since bringing on Dr. Crew in 2004. This week, Dr. Crew was asked by the board to balance the district's budget and come up with a plan that everyone could agree on. However, during this balance project, Dr. Crew and his team figured out that the school district was not $66 million dollars in debt as previously thought but $88 million dollars in debt. His reasoning for the astounding debt? He "over-spent" - that's what he says. Here are a few highlights from his "plan" to balance the budget:
1. Eliminated 254 teachers who are part of the bilingual programs (Spanish and Creole).
2. Eliminating 88 career specialists.
3. Cut paid Christmas recess days for teachers and staff.
4. Eliminate assistant principals for community school programs.
5. Require administrators to substitute teach one day a month.
6. Eliminate 24 audio / visual clerk positions.
7. Take 22 million dollars from the district's "Rainy Day Fund".

What he did not suggest was reducing or forfeiting his $700,000 salary. He's willing to cut hundreds of jobs in addition to the hundreds of police officers, janitors, cafeteria staff and teachers who were already cut over the summer; but he's not willing to take a pay cut for himself.
How do you propose cutting teachers who are part of the bilingual program in a county where 70 percent of the student body's first language is not English? As for cutting paid Christmas recess days for teachers and staff; I would expect Dr. Crew will be included in that plan, too. But he wont.
My biggest gripe is taking $22 million dollars from the "Rainy Day Fund". This withdraw will leave only 4 million dollars in the fund. For the entire year. For the entire county. Which is the 4th largest district in the US. When Hurricane Wilma ravaged through Broward County three years ago, Broward County School District lost $2 million dollars in food from the lunch program alone. That money was replaced by their "Rainy Day Fund". There are three tropical storms in the Atlantic as I type and we're not even half way through hurricane season yet. To say that MDCSD would be extremely venerable with a mere $4 million dollars in the fund is a gross understatement. The slightest emergency, need or unexpected funding would leave the district completely, flat broke. Living - on - the - street - begging - for - money - on - the - side - of - the - highway - broke.

Even though my child is not a victim student of MDCSD, I consider myself an advocate for equitable and decent education for all children. I'm simply blown away by the enormous insubordinate and neglect this Superintendent has shown this board, the county and poor souls who attend MDCSD.

All I have to say is: God Bless Charter Schools.

Closing Out

Today is the last day of school for Olivia. First grade was a challenge for her; she was called out on her bullshit a lot this year, she faced challenges with friendships and grew in so many ways. It was a year of huge successes; she was on Honor Roll for all 4 quarters; learned that she couldn't always breeze through everything with great ease and finally developed an understanding of what it is to treat people how you want to be treated. This is the last year she'll have Mrs. Read to charm and next year, she's getting a much tougher teacher; one we know she won't be able to manipulate with her bright smile.
For me, this year has been a learning experience. I started the beginning of year with a new, official role as a volunteer and it literally changed my life. The lessons I've learned are possibly greater than Olivia's. I learned how to maintain my dignity in the face of true aversion. I've learned how to deal with parents on a professional and straight-forward fashion without being abrasive or rude. The relationships I've cultivated with entire families this year have been priceless and one's that I'll hold onto for a very, very long time. I made a lot of mistakes, flew by the seat of my pants and had to clean up a lot of my own shit but I raised a lot of funds, organized community events and family involvement projects. The kids have had the greatest impact on my life; working with them on a daily basis has been more fun than I thought it would be. They made it all worthwhile when, while flipping through their school scrapbooks, I found that most of them listed their favorite school memory, activity or lesson involved me.
I'm looking ahead to next year a little wiser, a lot braver and maybe with some new organizational skills. I already have a summer to-do list as issued by various teachers, administrators and myself of things to plan, organize, clean and set-up; I cannot wait.
Before that, though, I am taking a break. First, a much-needed vacation to the New England mountains. Then I'm going to come home and focus on my own life for a little while before diving back into the swing of school. I have my own closets and pantries that have been severely neglected this school year. I cannot remember the last time I cleaned my ceiling fans and really - that's just plain gross. And I'm going to spend so much quality time with my husband that he's going to be so sick of me and beg me to go back to spending umpteen hours at school.
Yup. That's the plan.

It's a slow start

There have been a million posts I've started to write; both on this page & in my head and just never finished.
As many people are, I'm a little (ahem) crazy. I'm probably overly-critical of myself and perhaps slightly insecure. When I'm doing something (in this case - writing) and it seems that it's just not right/good enough/lacking/(insert negative adjective here), I walk away. Sometimes I push through and come out the other end with successful results.
Except there are just so many things that I am not good enough/lacking/bad/(insert another negative adjective here) at that this blog and my writing was ignored. With the risk of sounding very much martry-ry (that's not a word - whatever), I face many challenges throughout my life and on a day-to-day basis. As a young mother, there are always stereotypes I am trying to break, judgements I'm trying to reverse and opinions I'm trying to change. Never have I been so motivated yet exhausted trying to break all the rules that aren't right.

But in an effort to save my old self, I've decided to focus on my writing. It's really something I love and would like to be good at (yeah - how's that working out for you, English grammar person?). I don't have any funny stories off the top of my head to tell at this moment but I will give a short update which will be followed by a Mother's Day post.

Adventures of Brown:
I've still been sittin' here at work 8am-2pm working for the man (actually, woman) which is quickly trimming minutes off of my life span. Tomorrow is always more stressful than today and I'm always going to struggle with that. So until The Husband has a hit record, expect me to always scream about this place.
After 2pm, however, is my passion. I've increased my responsibility with Chicken's school and actually have a "title"; one I'm exceptionally honored to hold. Volunteering brings purpose to my day (you know - aside from being a mother and wife) and I look forward to being at school.
Chicken has made honor roll for the 3rd quarter this year. In Florida, you must take a standardized government test (Thank you, "No Child Left Behind") - 1st & 2nd graders take a test and 3rd - 5th take a test called something different but with the same results (you fail the test, you fail the grade). Anyway - Chicken scored the highest score in the school with 1st & 2nd graders. We're so thrilled (and I just cannot imagine where she gets all that intelligence from) and have rewarded her with many material things and a mini-vacation (bribe much?).
The Husband continues to tour the country on the weekends chasing that big musical dream. We love him anyway.

So - that's what's happening here. Thanks to my loyal reader for anxiously waiting for this post. Sorry I've disappointed you all (err - the one of you).

Really! I'm Ok!

Lots of people get jacked up after a long weekend; sometimes it can be hard to adjust. "Is it Tuesday? Feels like Monday." And so on. This is no problem for me, though because my week was going to be jacked up regardless!

I'm working today and tomorrow I'm off to attend the Carnival Day @ Chicken's school which I've spend the past 3 weeks organizing (see below). THEN! As if that were not enough, Chicken's last day of school is Thursday but it's a 1/2 day so they get out @ Noon. And Friday is the official mark of summer for the kiddies.

Yeah, I'd better load up on some kind of pain reliever.

At work, I'm bidding on a new contract which will essentially make or break this company. If I get it, we'll be comfortable enough to distribute regular bonuses (like we used to) and perhaps have more than a few quarters in petty cash. Maybe we'll even get a refrigerator! (Over a year in this office and STILL no refrigerator. But we did finally get a water cooler which of course, means we're legit.) On the darker side, if I don't get this contract, this will probably be our last year in business. But you know, no pressure. Normally, I would lure the potential customer with my extremely good looks but they're based out of state which poses a real problem. Now I only have to go on my personality and charm. We're fucked, aren't we?

Our school placed 6th in the entire state for national testing scores. This would be a big deal to any school but our school? We go all out. We decided to hold a "Carnival Day" for the kids on the second to last day of school complete with small game booths, treats and a hot dog lunch! Because, you know, it being the SECOND TO LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! isn't enough excitement. Sometimes, I'm a sucker (ok, most times). When the principal casually asked me for a brainstorming meeting a month ago, I assumed she wanted to look at me for a while. But when she started to talk, I still hadn't realized I was being roped. That actually did not occur to me until last week when the pressure was on. Oh! I was supposed to create, organize and prepare Carnival Day! D'oh. Originally, the school was going to buy everything we needed because there happened to be a little bit of spending money left over in the budget. (Which I would attribute to me because I've spent so much time and money there, they haven't had to pay a single model.) Then some jackass (read: teacher) thought it would be silly! to SPEND the money the parents have donated. Instead, lets ask them to donate more stuff! During the last week of school. Yes, yes. Good idea. OH! And don't send out the notice to parents until FRIDAY. Friday was also the day all the children cleaned out their desks and took junk home. Plus, Monday was a holiday. That leaves TODAY. One lonely, single day to gather all of the supplies, set up all the classrooms and apply extra hairspray.

Again: we're fucked.

Where did I put the liquor?

Slippin'

I try to come across as well-spoken, intelligent and quasi-classy. However, sometimes, the ghetto comes out and it's a little embarrassing. Yesterday, I spent the day @ Chicken's school (more on that later) and while discussing some Carnival Day booth options with the principal, I said about a dunk tank set up, "That's wack". They (said principal and other teachers surrounding us) thought it was really funny because I don't generally speak in such a manner but I was mortified. In hindsight, it was pretty hilarious because it was completely impulsive and shocking but on the flip side, I heard the principal use it in conversation with another parent this morning. Now that is funny listening.
In accordance with the ghetto; I'm seriously slippin'. Or is it trippin'? I don't know, I don't actually live in the real ghetto anymore (just behind the ghetto) so I'm losing my terminology.
This is the second week I haven't done Wunnerful Word Wednesday, I'm so disappointed in myself. I promised a weekly feature and I couldn't even get past week 1 but I promise to try and do better!
So I took the day off from work yesterday to chaperon a field trip at school and ended up spending the entire day there. The day flew by in such a flurry of excitement and promise, I was sad to leave at 4pm. When I came home and reflected on my day, I realized it was the best weekday that I've had in years. I know I said my job is perfect for my lifestyle but I can't help but notice that I feel more and more unfulfilled with each coming day. Silly monkey job is so unimportant, it disturbs me. Not that my position isn't important but the work we do doesn't make a difference in people's lives and I'm just very sad about the entire situation. Perhaps because there doesn't seem to be any kind of promising light at the end of this tunnel is why I'm feeling more pressure on myself. Whatever it is, I'm getting a serious itch. I need to do something that makes me feel good about myself as a person. I want to help people, make a difference and come home every afternoon feeling like I've done good with my day. Not just answer phones, tell men where to go and gossip all day.
Any suggestions?

My Erin Brockovich Moment

Chicken attends a very small charter school here, which houses just under 150 students in a tiny facility. Our library is shared with the kitchen, faculty bathroom, Dean's office and planning office. We're small but tight; there for one purpose: a better education.
Since 2002, our school has been trying to get the Town to approve site plans for a NEW! BIG! school which will house 18 classrooms, a cafenasium (cafeteria/gymnasium/assembly hall), real library, sports field and many other amenities that we've given up in exchange for higher education (trust me, it's proven well worth it). Last night was the final Town Hall meeting where the Mayor & his peeps would make a decision. Notices were posted all over school this week: "Please support our new school!" "Vote YES to the expansion!", etc. Everyone was given notice but we all knew who would actually show up, many of us were called by the principal, specifically asking us to speak. I was one of them. "Many parents are too intimidated to speak, I knew you wouldn't be. Please talk at the Town meeting on behalf of all the parents." she asked me. I thought, that's a pretty tall order. I'm loud, I'm opinionated and sometimes, well spoken but I can't go in front of the entire municipality, on local TV and beg them to give us the opportunity to build a new school.
Luckily, I had dinner plans. But my dinner plans were cancelled and I participated in an event that is a metamorphosis in my life.
The meeting began at exactly 6:30pm, we arrived in strong numbers, 50+ parents, many of us with our children. We're last on the long agenda. Short, stout with big frizzy hair, a former councilwoman said to us "If you're here for the charter school, you won't be heard until at least 10pm." "Well," we thought, "we have important people here. Lawyers, engineers, architects and investors. Surely, they'll see our children and let us go early." They did not. By 9pm, our number were less by more than half.
At 10:20, they called our item: 4.23 on the agenda. The lawyers spoke, the architect spoke, our principal spoke and I spoke (along with a few other parents). I made direct eye contact with the Mayor and our district councilwoman and told them I live, work, play and my daughter goes to school right here in Town. I told them the story of Chicken's early reading skills and how our puny school took her in, accommodated her skill and how she's flourished. I spoke eloquently, my voice didn't quiver (shockingly) and towards the end, I cried a little.
The Mayor voted against us, the council people voted for us and we won. Like in Erin Brockovich, we jumped out of our seats, sleeping babies and all, with screams and endless hugs.
In 5 years, my daughter will be one of the first students to enter our huge, 2 story, several acre school as a middle-school student.
And I will forever remember this day, this feeling and our powerful victory.

I Heart No One

I'm seriously lacking many things lately. My creative writing has gone down the tubes, laundry is, once again, over - flowing from the wash room and the bathroom counter top resembles a lab where they study toothpaste spills and blue mouthwash stains. I haven't cooked a "real" meal in weeks. I am so. freaking. tired. It's so cold. And it seems like everyone else is going about their lives, happily balancing work, kids, volunteering, homes and family whilst I walk through the front door tearing my clothes off in preparation for a nap.

Things at Chicken's school are hectic. The yearbook has to be turned in by the 14th and we haven't even finished collecting pictures. There is loads of money to be collected for field trips, Year End Celebrations, etc. I had to put in for 5 days off work in the month of February for school stuff. That's 1/3 of my total paid time off. How do people manage this with jobs? I guess they don't. Most of the other "School Moms" don't have jobs. This is their job. But I am finding this year to be fulfilling in every possible way. The children delight me, the teachers can depend on me and the parents aggravate me. Something feels very important about my time spent at this very special school.

Husband is taking a mortgage broker class taught by his brother (!). He told me he needed a fire extinguisher because his brain was fire. Bless his big, sweet heart. All of this to get us out of here. So I can chase my dreams while he has his nose in a book, in a computer, up a potential client's ass. I must buy him something very pretty and expensive. He loves a fabulous pair of shoes.

Here's to naps and Valentine's Day.

Teacher's Pet

Kindergarten Field Trip - $4
Loss of weekly wages volunteering at school - $64
Pink baby clothes for very pregnant teacher - $100
Arts and craft supplies for cookie and card decorating - $20
Dinner with families at school fundraiser - $37
Being told you're her best favorite parent - Priceless

Trouble

Crap.

I volunteered to coach Chicken's soccer team this year. I played soccer for two seasons when I was 14; I sucked.


One may ask "Why, o' self-professed-bad-soccer-player, would you sign up for such a task?!" Because during a parent meeting, the director of the soccer program stood up on his golf cart and explained that there were 16 teams and they only had 9 coaches. That means any team without a coach would not be able to play soccer this season. That's horrible. What if Chicken got drafted onto a coach-less team? She would be devastated (not to mention I've already invested $150 in this sport). So I raised my hand to coach.
Chicken said "Mom, girls can't coach soccer. Only boys". Now I HAD to coach. "Girls can do anything boys can do. They can coach and be anything just as good as boys." I told her. Even if we have the worst players and lose every game, it won't matter. As long as my baby girl knows that girls can and should do anything boys can do.

Except pee standing up.


Updated 11/8/06:

We had soccer drafts tonight. I watched two grown ass men nearly come to blows over a couple of 6 year old soccer players. Twice. Of 16 teams, I am only one of two women coaches. The other mom has been coaching soccer for years and is one of the guys. We sat in a big room and chose players for our respective teams. Personally, my only request was that I didn't get any girls that I had from Cheerleading because I wasn't crazy about their parents. I was the only one without a premeditated roster. These men (and woman) knew who was "good" (Good? They're 6!!!!!!) from past seasons. They wanted to form their team with the most powerful players to win. There are no rewards for the "best" team. Everyone gets the same sized trophy. All of this nonsense is based on pure gorilla-like ego. Men can be so stupid.