Sincerely 'Fro Me to You - The One Where I'm Naked

Kristen from We Are THAT Family operates this great Blog Carnival.
To view my entire archives of Sincerely 'Fro posts, click here.

Yep. That's me and my 7 year old boobies. And we're naked. I was exactly Olivia's age in this photo and where I come from, we don't do non-essentials like sunscreen or shirts.

This day is so vivid in my mind; it could have happened yesterday. We were moving from Florida to Dallas, TX and this was our going away party. It was held at a public park and there were lots of trees that I climbed on and damn, it was hot. Folks of the male persuasion were shirtless and I wanted to be, too. What? It was hot. I remember the kids were playing with water - water balloons, water guns, something like that. My shorts were soaked and I wanted to take those off, too.
Unfortunately for you - my Sincerely 'Fro readers - my mother had the sense to make me leave them on.

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Sincerely 'Fro Me To You - The Mommy and Me Portraits Disaster

Kristen @ We Are THAT Family hosts this Blog Carnival posted every Thursday.

To read all of my Sincerely 'Fro posts, click here.

I started running low on Sincerely 'Fro pictures so I raided my mother's photo albums and I'm a little bit sorry I did. There are copious amounts of awfully bad and embarrassing photos - enough to last a Sincerely 'Fro lifetime. For this week's entry, though, I've decided to do it up right with Mommy and Me photos.

Here are the runner ups for Best of Worst Mommy and Me Photo:

This was my mom and me in 1982. I don't know how long my mother saved every bit of money available in order to afford this picture but I'm fairly sure it took my whole life of 6 months. It gets last place in the Best of Worst because I really do adore this picture. In fact, to this day, it hangs in it's original frame in my home.

Aside from the obvious hair issues I'm having here, I chose this as #3 because of the story behind the photo. My mother tells me she will never forgive me for ruining this picture. I don't remember any of this but her version is that immediately before this photo was taken, I was in impossible mode (ahem - again) and tortured my poor mother to tears. I'm pretty sure I wasn't completely at fault - being 9 years old and all - but she's never let me live it down. Let it go, Mom. Let it go.

I think I was around 13 when this picture was taken and I know that I'm wearing my mom's dress. By the look on my mom's face, I probably ruined this photo shoot, too. By this time, my mom was slightly (and I mean slightly) better off financially and so we classed it up and had these taken at Olan Mills (before they were in Kmarts). You may be wondering why this photo only placed 2nd and how is it possible that I had worse hair than the botched bangs (which I did myself) but continue reading...

Not only did we wear matching dresses and you can see the baby powder on her chest (she still does that) but the hair. Oh - the hair. This photo is in the true spirit of Sincerely 'Fro. When I pulled this picture out, my mom told me another story. She said that I begged to have this hair because it matched hers. Well, Mom is getting a little older these days and my memory seems to be a little sharper than hers and let me tell you - I did NOT beg to have this hair. I did not take myself the beauty salon at 8 years old and pay for a perm (a perm!). I also did not sit on the toilet seat of our bathroom and blow dry and curl and use 3 bottles of hairspray for the bangs. No, Mother, I did not. Besides, the proof is in the dress - she bought the matching dresses so it's evident that she was behind the very, very bad matching hair.

Sincerely 'Fro Me To You - The Husband Edition

Kristen @ We Are That Family leads this Blog Carnival every Thursday.
To see my entire archives of Sincerely 'Fro posts, click here.

This week, I've decided to go a different route for Sincerely 'Fro and do a husband edition. Mostly because I came across these hilarious (and adorable) photos of his childhood and a little because I'm kissing his ass so he'll let me paint the dining room eggplant.


Danny was born with a different name; one I won't divulge here. (Kissing ass, remember?) However, even at less than a year old he was a stud. It reminds me why I want to carry a million of his babies.


When Danny and I were looking through these pictures together, he was excited to discover that he had a belly even at under 2 years old. "I'm not fat - I'm just deformed!" he shrieked with glee.


This is Boots The Siamese Cat - in all capitals - he's a Brown Family icon. Legend has it he used to crawl into Danny's crib and groom him. Want to know a secret? To this day, whenever Danny gets to thinking about Boots, he still cries a little.


It's nice to know that even back then, he enjoyed a nice breeze - if you know what I mean. And I think you do.


The house he grew up in during the late 60's & entire 70's was located in Carnarsie, Brooklyn. Which explains why I'm pretty sure this TV fell off the back of the truck.


Notice the ashtray in the back? DCF was a long ways away back then.


I wonder if he had a coat on under the costume? Otherwise, babe...? I think you were just fat.


This is my very favorite photo of my husband. This picture is going to be included with the living room re-decorating project. Although I'm in my right mind to believe that he threw this book to whoever the photographer shortly after the shutter closed.


The true beauty of this photo is the ring he's showcasing. His parents never wanted him to forget that he was raised in Mafia Country. He was ready to bust heads at 9 years old - if only he wasn't Jewish.


I think these pants are coming back in style.


Silly perverted child, that's a boy Indian, not a girl Indian.


He was kicking this kid's ass because his parents made him go to karate instead of letting him stay home to watch Happy Days.


Don't worry about all that hair hair, sweetie. In about 20 years, you're going to meet me and I'm going to fix you up right good.

Sincerely 'Fro Me to You - A letter to my 14 year old self

Learn more about this Blog Carnival by visiting Kristen at We Are THAT Family. Read my entire archives of Sincerely 'Fro posts by clicking here.

Dear 14 year old self,

First, your make up is fabulous, the black lip liner combined with the black roots really completes the look. And isn't that your mother's shirt?

But in all seriousness, allow me to give you some pearls of wisdom, 12 years later. A sort of "if I knew then what I know now" fantasy.

I promise that you are smart and will learn to be good at things, including learning. Don't be too rough on your teachers, they really do know what they're talking about. The awkward phase you think no one understands? It's happening to all of your friends, too. The sadness you feel deep in your gut is depression; tell someone and see a shrink now while you're still covered by government health insurance. Enjoy these acne-free years of your youth because just when you get cocky about having wonderful skin, you go and get knocked up and your skin never does go back to normal. And speaking of skin, you're gorgeous, dahling. Skip the pancake foundation, mmkay?

I'm going to tell you something that you really need to listen to because your failure to do so will lead to a lot of years struggling in this department. Those people you think are your friends? I swear to God they're not. They spend hours hacking into your aol account and spreading horrible rumors and excluding you on purpose. You will cry so, so many tears over these girls and they're not worth it. It will take you a long time to get over them and even 12 years later, your experience with them will impact your ability to make female friends. Besides, you're prettier than them and when you're all in your mid 20's, you're the only one not living with parents.

About boys. While I understand it's fun to write Mrs. Block on every single surface you come across, that boy is not the man of your dreams. In fact, in 2 years, he will break into your house while you're on vacation and steal everything you and your family owns. And PS - he turns out to be a drug dealer. The man of your dreams is going to come to you in the funniest way and you won't even have to wait that long for him. He's going to be unconventional and old but you're going to love him the second you meet him.

Be nicer to Mom. She tries her best with what she has and when you're an adult and have children of your own, you're going to realize how much she loves you. And don't worry - you don't turn out anything like her, I swear. Say thank you to Tony because you're going to say goodbye to him one Thanksgiving and then he's going to die and you're never, ever going to forgive yourself. Don't get so annoyed by Grandpa, in a few years, you're going to be so charmed by his quirks. You're going to get a sister who loves you unconditionally and is so cool.

One last piece of advice I want you to really pay attention to is this: stop growing up. You get to be a grown up eventually and really soon so live in the moment and just be 14.

Oh yeah - and take more pictures because in 12 more years, you're going to write a blog where you post old pictures of yourself and you're not going to have nearly enough photos to go with all the stories.

With love and concern,

Yourself 12 years later

Sincerely 'fro me to you - Prom 1998

Join me in this Blog Carnival courtesy of Kristen at We Are THAT Family. (Posted every Thursday.)

This is me the night of prom. Except it wasn't my prom (I was a Freshman) and it wasn't my high school (it was my high school's rival, in fact) and I didn't even know this dude. Remember when I told you about how hip it was to meet boys on aol chat rooms in the early/late 90's? That's how I met this fella. I can remember only these details about him: his name is John, he's Hawaiian, his dad was a cop (so not kosher for bad-girl me) and he did not have a date to prom. The story goes like this...

I went to a different high school than most of my friends because I was in a "magnet" program (for law enforcement - haha). Luckily, my very best friend was also in the same program which made it bearable but we missed our old friends. Spring of 1998 came and we mutually decided we weren't going to attend our own school's prom, instead we wanted to attend the rival high school's prom; where all of our other friends were. Except she (who'll remain nameless until I post a blog about her, too) made plans with people that I didn't like. I can't remember why I didn't find another group to go with but I'm sure it had something to do with my burning desire to make her jealous (I was never successful at that).

After a virtual-meeting in a local chat room, John asked me to be his date to prom. 3 days before prom. So I bought a dress ($12 at TJ Maxx), got my nails done (at the beauty school) and I vividly remember struggling for a long time with my hair. In my Reliant K car, I drove to John's house and there was a limo, another couple and all of these parents taking pictures of us. (I'm pretty sure that my mom didn't even know I was attending prom. My relationship with my entire family began to deteriorate around this time.) That's where this famous picture came from. The details of prom are very cloudy in my head - it almost shows like a picture slide show instead of a movie. I remember being very, very, very bored. And regretful. And sad watching my friends from the ballroom balcony while they danced and laughed without their shoes on. After prom, we went to Lake Worth beach and sat on the benches. It was unseasonably cold and John graciously gave me his jacket. Then he tried to kiss me and I asked to go home.

Two weeks later, John emailed me this (and more) pictures and thanked me for a wonderful night. I really felt horrible about John's prom.

Years later, while signed onto my old aol screen name, he IMed me. He was a cop living in Lake Placid and having a great life. I guess I'd already had Olivia and I remember how degrading he was to me about having a baby so young. Faster than I got knocked up, I forgave myself for ruining his prom.

Before that, though; just a few months after prom, I emailed that photo to Danny after chatting with him in another aol chat room (this bitch got around). He told me I was hot and asked who the fat guy was (pot: meet kettle). So - 10 years later, I'd like to apologize to John and thank him. If it weren't for that picture, I might not have hooked the man I would fall in love with at first sight, marry and have children with.

PS. In case you're wondering - yes, there are endless stories about boys that I met from aol chat rooms. And no, I will never tell them all.

The first of many...

Kristen over at We are THAT family started this "Blog Carnival" that is pretty popular in the Blogosphere. Never one to be left out, I decided to join the ranks of many. Permission to laugh at my expense.

Spring 1998

Man, that's a doozy, eh? Before I tell the story of what Missy & me were up to that night, let's spend a little time on the photo itself.

1. The purple feathers: I was a craft queen before my time. I made this picture frame for myself shortly after the picture was developed. I think I used some left over purple feathers from a (very) last minute mother's day gift I gave my mom that year. It was also a picture frame.

2. The wall: This was a wall in my bedroom that was devoted to rave party flyers. I attended each of those parties and eventually married the man who performed at most of them.

3. The Glasses: You may have been surprised to discover that even at the tender age of 16 I was wearing prescription glasses. But I wasn't. Those glasses were a fashion statement. One that probably said "I am Bono's illegitimate daughter".

4. The Jacket: Not only was jacket not even close to being the tackiest thing in my wardrobe; but I owned two of them. One more plastic-y than the other.

5. The Girl: The lovely teenager standing next to me is Missy Clinton. I'm posting her whole name in hopes that one day, she'll google herself and find this picture of us and me. I've spent years searching for her on the internet and was never able to find her - which makes me a little bit sad. Melissa Clinton from Lake Worth, FL was da bomb! See, Missy & me were BFFL4E when we were kids & met at the skating rink. She was the baby girl in a family with 2 older brothers (I made out with one of them once) and let me tell you, she was the apple of her momma's eye! She lived pretty far from me but that never stopped us from spending endless weekends at each other's houses. One thing was a drag - she was a kick-ass soccer player and sometimes our weekends would be cut short so she could travel around the state playing. We were like peaz 'n' carrotz until we got to be teenagers and lost touch. Until I was 15 and standing in line to get into a nightclub and low and behold, there was lil' miss missy clinton standing right behind me! And she was a raver, too! We was peaz 'n' carrotz again real fast like.

6. The Bathrobe: Yes, Missy is wearing a red bathrobe over her ensemble. It was my mother's bathrobe that she received as a baby shower gift when she was pregnant with me. And Missy could not stand to be without it because clearly, it just makes the outfit.

Back in da day, circa 1998, the internet was all the rage and chatting on AOL chat rooms was the thing to do - I was no exception to this new trend. The details of what led up to this night are a little foggy (ah-hem) but somehow a DJ at a nightclub in Fort Lauderdale thought I was a DJ and - probably thinking he was going to get him some Sophia love, he invited me and a guest to his club. To DJ. With records on turntables. This called for an adventure and the perfect escort would be Missy.

We drove down from Greenacres (the place to be) to Fort Lauderdale (about 50 minutes away) in my Dodge "K" car and found the place. I can remember that it was a fetish club but I can't remember if I knew that before hand. Regardless, we went in and the DJ guy was pretty old (even by my current standards) but shit - we were in a club! In Fort Lauderdale! We walked around and rejected the looks of disapproval from the elders who probably didn't know it was teeny-bopper night and generally enjoyed ourselves. Over the pounding techno music you heard something to the effect of "And now please welcome our guest DJ - DJ KREAM". Knowing that was my AOL name, Missy and I walked super slow into the DJ booth and we must have looked like a couple of baby deer in headlights! When el creepo handed me the headphones to start spinning, I accelerated into panic mode and gave Missy that look of desperation. There were a couple of whispers and a lot of giggles between us in those few minutes and next thing you know, we've high tailed it to the exit, jumped in that Reliable K car and were out of that joint quicker than you can say "Aunt Jemima".

Swear to God.