Wednesday, January 31, 2007

I Heart No One

I'm seriously lacking many things lately. My creative writing has gone down the tubes, laundry is, once again, over - flowing from the wash room and the bathroom counter top resembles a lab where they study toothpaste spills and blue mouthwash stains. I haven't cooked a "real" meal in weeks. I am so. freaking. tired. It's so cold. And it seems like everyone else is going about their lives, happily balancing work, kids, volunteering, homes and family whilst I walk through the front door tearing my clothes off in preparation for a nap.

Things at Chicken's school are hectic. The yearbook has to be turned in by the 14th and we haven't even finished collecting pictures. There is loads of money to be collected for field trips, Year End Celebrations, etc. I had to put in for 5 days off work in the month of February for school stuff. That's 1/3 of my total paid time off. How do people manage this with jobs? I guess they don't. Most of the other "School Moms" don't have jobs. This is their job. But I am finding this year to be fulfilling in every possible way. The children delight me, the teachers can depend on me and the parents aggravate me. Something feels very important about my time spent at this very special school.

Husband is taking a mortgage broker class taught by his brother (!). He told me he needed a fire extinguisher because his brain was fire. Bless his big, sweet heart. All of this to get us out of here. So I can chase my dreams while he has his nose in a book, in a computer, up a potential client's ass. I must buy him something very pretty and expensive. He loves a fabulous pair of shoes.

Here's to naps and Valentine's Day.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Teacher's Pet

Kindergarten Field Trip - $4
Loss of weekly wages volunteering at school - $64
Pink baby clothes for very pregnant teacher - $100
Arts and craft supplies for cookie and card decorating - $20
Dinner with families at school fundraiser - $37
Being told you're her best favorite parent - Priceless

Friday, January 5, 2007

Because It Has Many Purposes

I told this story to a friend on the phone last night and decided that I should write about it in order to get over it and move on.

But before I do, allow me to provide a little background information.

I have a very love/hate relationship with my boss. One on hand, she's very kind and generous. On the other hand, she's a mega bitch. We used to call her Hagatha the sea-witch. She's very funny yet judgmental and brings new meaning to the words pretentious and snob. She is also the classic rags to riches tale. Except now she's just like you and me. Regular middle class folk. I've worked with her for 4 years and we've seen each other through many economic, physical and emotional challenges. We're very loyal to each other but with the feeling that it could end any day now.

Onto my True PACSI! Hollywood (Florida that is) Story:

Boss: How much do you think a 40 pack of tissue paper goes for?Me: I don't know, like 99 cents.Boss: Well I just paid $3.99 for a 40 pack of tissue paper at Party City!Me: You got ripped off! I bought a 300 pack at Target for 47 cents the day after Christmas.Boss: (scoff) What do you need tissue paper for?Me: (indignant tone) Uhh, the same thing you use it for. Gift wrapping.Boss: (now with even snottier tone) They don't give you tissue paper with the box when you buy a gift?Me: Um, I shop at Target.Boss: (sigh) We really do come from different worlds, don't we?

Ahh yes. Different worlds. I'm going to have to remember that the next time she asks me where she can get a good deal on milk.

My Eyes Hurt

Here are some fashion statements I don't understand:

-Guys with tall hair wearing a rubber band/headband around their head to put emphasis on the very tall hair.
-Young (not balding, non-military) guys with shaved heads.
-The mandana. 'Nuff said.
-Mini skirts with leggings. I'd rather bring Madonna back from the 80's.
-Skinny jeans. They keep saying that EVERYONE can wear skinny jeans. Even no-so-skinny chicks. This is not true. Trust me.
-Halter tops, tube tops and other inappropriately-revealing clothing in plus sizes. Also, maternity thong underwear.
-BIG hair. You know what I'm talking about. The ones who have super curly hair, keep it really long and turn their heads upside down and cause further global warming with a bottle of hair spray. B I G !
-Boho anything. This includes the huge t-shirt passing off as a dress but excludes the boho bag.
-HUGE Jackie-O sunglasses. Especially on tiny women.
-The mermaid dress. This cannot be comfortable.
-Guys wearing t-shirts down to their knees and then still wearing their pants below their ass. What's the point?
-$150+ sneakers endorsed by basketball, football and baseball players. I get having one pair of really good sneakers. I do not get why kids want several pairs. Are your parents very rich? If so, I'm available for adoption.
-The velour jumpsuit. Shut up.
-The one piece bathing suit with the sides and/or front and back exposed. What exactly are you covering?
My #1 fashion pet peeve:
-Little girls dressed as grown women.