Kara & the benefits of girlfriends (and danger of none)

At my age (that would be 25), I imagined I would have a tight circle of girlfriends. Where we'd sing a drunken rendition of "Lean On Me" in the football field of our old high school and exchange poopie stories of our children whilst they played lovingly in the front yard, complete with tire swing. As I write (type?) this, I can actually visualize this in my mind.
But you know, none of it materializes. And if I'm going to be completely honest; I have no girlfriends.
When I was entering the "tender" years of my life (read: preteen & young adulthood), there was 4 of us. But as I grew older, I grew apart. The rest of them didn't (except the one who isn't with us anymore). They still talk and occasionally enjoy each other's company while I'm over here, ALONE, in hell (also known as the smallest place 3 people can live). (Where's my mama? Because the drama is overflowing!) It wasn't really their fault. You know the story: girl meets boy, girl's mother abandons her for New England, girl moves in with boy, gets knocked up & lives happily ever after. Oh? That's not the story you meant? Anyway, I moved less than a hour away but for me, each mile apart felt like 100.
Since then, I haven't felt the security of having a "best friend" around. I still have Jess, and we talk once in a while but not in the gut-wrenching ways that girlfriends talk.
And I have Kara. She lives two hours away but still has guided me in ways that I've needed yet missed for the last 9 years. She came to visit me last weekend & I learned about the beauty of flat-ironed hair. We also talked for a long time about a lot yet nothing. When she left, I had that sinking feeling in my chest again. I suspect this feeling is loneliness.
There is something missing, a small piece of my soul is absent. My (good) sister thinks this is because somewhere along the line, I lost myself. I disagree. I think all of me is here only to be awakened by the benefits of having a friend. One of complete unselfishness & agendas where similarly, differences, kindness and compassion runs deep and bonds.

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm taking a writing class. I'm telling everyone it's because I want to be a better writer (which is true) but really, I'm taking it to meet people (my reasons extend further than those two reasons; you'll see in later posts). My life is pretty limited in opportunity to meet new strangers (is that a double?) as my life is fairly limited in itself. I work for a company which employs 5 people (3 of whom are men), my child attends a school where there are less than 150 students and the moms generally suck.

(Feel free to insert the standard paragraph about how lucky I am to have my life, I wouldn't trade it for the world, blah blah blah.)

I want to gossip about celebrities, trade make-up tips & hair styles. I want to talk about my husband and child without the faint smell of competition. I want to look at pretty men in the mall and exchange knowing glances.

So, I'm embarking on this new quest to find myself a real friend. Wish me luck!

And then I scratched my butt!

On writing: I'm a bad blog keeper-I get it. I know the secret to a super blog is posting nearly everyday but lately I feel like my writing is left with much to be desired. (Say it ain't so, boss!)
In an attempt to ignite the fire and connect my brain to my hand(s), I'm taking a writing class this year. I hope it will tap into the passion like you tap a keg thingie into a tree for maple syrup. You know what I'm talking about, don't give me that look!

So, I promise to you (mostly to myself) to write about the following subjects within one week of today:

My sister(s)
Kara & the benefits of girlfriends (and the danger of none)
DA FUNK!

I don't know that any of those items will reflect my best work but at least I'll be using that mushed up, pink (!) brain of mine.

Please come back & see!

The 90/10 Principle

As "borrowed" from another blog. I'm so trying this-starting immediately! If you try it, too, let me know how it works out for you & I promise to keep a quasi-updated record on how it's going for me.

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).What is this principle?10% of life is made up of what happens to you.90% of life is decided by how you react.What does this mean?We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light., but you can control your reaction. Don’t let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.

Let’s use an example.You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relations hip with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?A) Did the coffee cause it?B) Did your daughter cause it?C) Did the policeman cause it?D) Did you cause it?The answer is D.You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “It’s ok honey, you just need, to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction. Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don’t be asponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don’thave to let the negative comment affect you! React properly andit will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result inlosing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do youLose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of minehad the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your bloodpressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if youarrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin yourdrive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and getirritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and timeinto finding another job.
The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for theday. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? Shehas no control over what is going on. Use your time to study,get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It willjust make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Applyit and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothingif you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress,trials,problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged.
You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life

B is for Boy, I'm sore!

Last Christmas, my husband's partner (Studio partner, not lover. That would be awkward.) gave me the Billy Bootcamp (as in Billy Banks, the Tae-Bo guy) DVD set complete with workout band. I thought this was a joke and expected to open the box and find really nice jewelry or a gift certificate (because usually, he gives me super great gifts) but when I opened the box and it actually was Billy Bootcamp, I was pretty offended. And disappointed! The plan was to return Billy Bootcamp (it was a $40 set!) but Chicken opened the DVDs so it's been collecting dust on my bedroom floor since December 26th.



Husband keeps complaining his shirts feel a little tight and I should start cooking healthy dinners. I can barley munster up the energy, creativity and time to put a frozen lasagna in the oven. (For the record, I'm actually a pretty good cook. But I'm also lazy.) I jokingly said he should use Billy Bootcamp! He took this in seriousness. That was 2 months ago. Everyday is "the" day he's going to Bootcamp!



So, you'll imagine my surprise when I came home Saturday evening to find my husband in
this position (the same outfit, too!). I had Subway in hand for dinner and dropped it all on the floor and followed the sandwiches by laughing until I nearly peed. It was quite the sight. When I was finished making fun, I looked @ the DVD player run clock which read 4:30 (as in 4 minutes, 30 seconds). Realizing I had food, he turned off the DVD player.

For the following 2 days, he moaned and groaned about the pain after 4:30 of aerobic stretching and I laughed more with each vision in my head.

Last night, after eating a lot of food (and cake), he "worked out" again. This time, I joined him. We went a whole 12 minutes, 20 seconds.

And now, muscles and ligaments hurt in my body that I forgot existed. While "stretching" I recalled my days as a speed skater and having to do the same exact stretches.

Except back then, I actually could touch my toes and plant my face on the floor.

Really! I'm Ok!

Lots of people get jacked up after a long weekend; sometimes it can be hard to adjust. "Is it Tuesday? Feels like Monday." And so on. This is no problem for me, though because my week was going to be jacked up regardless!

I'm working today and tomorrow I'm off to attend the Carnival Day @ Chicken's school which I've spend the past 3 weeks organizing (see below). THEN! As if that were not enough, Chicken's last day of school is Thursday but it's a 1/2 day so they get out @ Noon. And Friday is the official mark of summer for the kiddies.

Yeah, I'd better load up on some kind of pain reliever.

At work, I'm bidding on a new contract which will essentially make or break this company. If I get it, we'll be comfortable enough to distribute regular bonuses (like we used to) and perhaps have more than a few quarters in petty cash. Maybe we'll even get a refrigerator! (Over a year in this office and STILL no refrigerator. But we did finally get a water cooler which of course, means we're legit.) On the darker side, if I don't get this contract, this will probably be our last year in business. But you know, no pressure. Normally, I would lure the potential customer with my extremely good looks but they're based out of state which poses a real problem. Now I only have to go on my personality and charm. We're fucked, aren't we?

Our school placed 6th in the entire state for national testing scores. This would be a big deal to any school but our school? We go all out. We decided to hold a "Carnival Day" for the kids on the second to last day of school complete with small game booths, treats and a hot dog lunch! Because, you know, it being the SECOND TO LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! isn't enough excitement. Sometimes, I'm a sucker (ok, most times). When the principal casually asked me for a brainstorming meeting a month ago, I assumed she wanted to look at me for a while. But when she started to talk, I still hadn't realized I was being roped. That actually did not occur to me until last week when the pressure was on. Oh! I was supposed to create, organize and prepare Carnival Day! D'oh. Originally, the school was going to buy everything we needed because there happened to be a little bit of spending money left over in the budget. (Which I would attribute to me because I've spent so much time and money there, they haven't had to pay a single model.) Then some jackass (read: teacher) thought it would be silly! to SPEND the money the parents have donated. Instead, lets ask them to donate more stuff! During the last week of school. Yes, yes. Good idea. OH! And don't send out the notice to parents until FRIDAY. Friday was also the day all the children cleaned out their desks and took junk home. Plus, Monday was a holiday. That leaves TODAY. One lonely, single day to gather all of the supplies, set up all the classrooms and apply extra hairspray.

Again: we're fucked.

Where did I put the liquor?

Dammit, Karen!

No, not my actual friend Karen. I think it's a term taken from a mob movie but I stole the saying from another friend, Shilah.

Anyway, so far this week, I've:

-inserted a small memory stick into a large floppy disk hole and cannot get it out
-left my keys in my husband's vehicle and he's gone to work until tomorrow
-burned several pieces of bacon
-forgot my camera when going to visit a brand new baby
-still have not paid for show tickets at Olivia's school (they were due last Friday)

All of this and it's only Tuesday.

Rut-ro, Shaggy.

Slippin'

I try to come across as well-spoken, intelligent and quasi-classy. However, sometimes, the ghetto comes out and it's a little embarrassing. Yesterday, I spent the day @ Chicken's school (more on that later) and while discussing some Carnival Day booth options with the principal, I said about a dunk tank set up, "That's wack". They (said principal and other teachers surrounding us) thought it was really funny because I don't generally speak in such a manner but I was mortified. In hindsight, it was pretty hilarious because it was completely impulsive and shocking but on the flip side, I heard the principal use it in conversation with another parent this morning. Now that is funny listening.
In accordance with the ghetto; I'm seriously slippin'. Or is it trippin'? I don't know, I don't actually live in the real ghetto anymore (just behind the ghetto) so I'm losing my terminology.
This is the second week I haven't done Wunnerful Word Wednesday, I'm so disappointed in myself. I promised a weekly feature and I couldn't even get past week 1 but I promise to try and do better!
So I took the day off from work yesterday to chaperon a field trip at school and ended up spending the entire day there. The day flew by in such a flurry of excitement and promise, I was sad to leave at 4pm. When I came home and reflected on my day, I realized it was the best weekday that I've had in years. I know I said my job is perfect for my lifestyle but I can't help but notice that I feel more and more unfulfilled with each coming day. Silly monkey job is so unimportant, it disturbs me. Not that my position isn't important but the work we do doesn't make a difference in people's lives and I'm just very sad about the entire situation. Perhaps because there doesn't seem to be any kind of promising light at the end of this tunnel is why I'm feeling more pressure on myself. Whatever it is, I'm getting a serious itch. I need to do something that makes me feel good about myself as a person. I want to help people, make a difference and come home every afternoon feeling like I've done good with my day. Not just answer phones, tell men where to go and gossip all day.
Any suggestions?